i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
