If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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