thus making me awesome and them whores
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
