he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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