I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
