i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
