Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
