Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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