I think I died a long time ago.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
