i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
