seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize