Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
