Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You are a genius and a whore.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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