yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
