Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
