I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
