I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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