I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
