I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
