Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
