the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
