just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
