Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
