Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
