i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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