He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Your penis caused this!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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