I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
