You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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