Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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