nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
