The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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