im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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