I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
