Please, let me fuck your mom
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
