I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
