On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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