This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
