i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
