Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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