I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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