she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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