ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
