Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
