New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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