i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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