Hey man sorry I got all grabby
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I need to calm my uterus...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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