my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
