Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
