Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
