i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
