dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
