I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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