I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
