I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
