I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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