Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
